My deepest apologies 🙏

 This is something that has been on my mind more n more lately and weighs on my heart to speak on & express! 

This may be sorta long if you care to read...

Soooo we all kno life isn't always easy peazy… & it Damn sure doesn't make it any better growing up with cruel kids or ones that bully!!!  

Or anyone who stains your brain to think other than who God created YOU to be!  & to know who YOU ARE,  #fabulousIAM 🙏❤💯

But sometimes it takes alot of shit to go through to figure that out.

So I kno I kinda recently posted a meme or something & I quoted " I've said my peace so I'm good " when in all actually nooo I haven't!!! Soooo I'm not 💯 good yet… sure I've asked for forgiveness from the lord, but I never took the time out to apologize 

to anyone I was ever mean to, or well ahhhgggg,  yea that I may have bullied 🥺😪 

I don't even like the damn word,  it kills my inner being knowing that I was once (kinda) considered that word.  (I kno it wasn't looked at as bad as it is NOW) but still,  omg when I see anything of such it angers me to full extent on how can anyone be soooo cruel! 

I ended up being a bully to bully the bullies! I never made fun of anyone who was either handicap or mentally challenged,  that I kno for sure cause I damn sure wasn't wit it.  (Yea maybe few jokes wit the friends type shit I remember) not saying it was right in just saying!

I do very well remember defending the less fortunate more than being a trouble maker, I really wasn't bad,  I was just young n misguided which caused me to make very bad or stupid choices. 

The brain is so crazy how it can remember something so specific but then not remember other "what seemed more important at the time things or issues" 

I 100% remember this specifically! I always wondered what happened to her, where is she in life today? 🤔 

While living in Brick we had to take the big yellow bus to school until you were old enough to drive yourself.  

There was this gal (I won't mention any names) if any of you took the bus from mallard point to brick high n was on the bus with me back in the dayz maybe someone will remember this as well n reach out privately.  (since we all share different memories) anyways I was 1 of the "so called" kool kids (which in all actuality,  ahhhggg there were times I wish I didn't walk the path I have, cause kool doesn't really get you as far as a " not so kool" kid lol,  but I was 1 to do what I wanted anyways, I always sat in the back of the bus. There was this gal,  little petite lil thang, she lived right down the street from the Red Lion, right by her house was her stop.  We all knew her family wasn't well off n ya alot less fortunate than others.  The folks on the bus used to pick on her, throw things in her hair,  spit spit balls at her, u kno abusive kids shit.  she wasn't really good with her hygiene & her hair was not really taken care of or washed enough so she had dandruff & the flakes would be all over her shoulders,  so they made fun of her for that! 

She got completely torn apart each day cause she didn't match THEIR standards! 1st off who in the phuckkkk are you? 

I was NOT havin it!  I told her I'm gonna sit wit you & let 1 of these mother phuckers say 1 word to you while I'm here… I will handle it! 

Obviously I knew they wouldn't. 

That was the whole point,  just let them see me talking to you & they ain't gonna pick on you anymore gal friend. Cause now they kno they have to deal wit me & they didn't want to do that!  I would sit with her on the bus n talk to her, I started writing her notes n she would write me back n pass them to each other in the hallway between classes, JUST SO PPL COULD SEE HER GIVING IT TO ME,  SO SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE HARASSED FOR SIMPLY GOING TO SCHOOL.  I JUST DIDN'T WANT THEM BOTHERING HER ANYMORE.  SUICIDE IS REAL! N WE NEVER KNO WHAT ANYONE ELSE IS GOING THROUGH OR LIVING WITH IN THEIR HOUSEHOLD! 

YOU DON'T PICK ON PPL WHO ARE WEAKER THAN YOU OR DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO STAND UP TO YOU TO PROTECT THEMSELVES. 

We as humans have no right to judge any damn body else… we have to worry about our own self & our own dirty stinkin yards. 

This is all facts 💯 

& the facts that remain the same..

We're all getting older & I'm really starting to realize how quickly our time to ascend is getting closer n closer by the day, shitttt these dayz are moving too damn fast eyhe 😳.   I can assure you I'm definitely not looking to go anywhere anytime soon butttt the fact is none of us do kno when it's our time or when our # gets called. If we did, how differently we would live & that goes for all of us.   

Anyways I do want to say my peace with anyone / everyone before my time comes cause I ain't trying to go meet my father like this… I need to apologize to many!!!

I mean this with the most sincerity from the depths of my inner being, from the bottom of my heart & my loving soul.  ❤🙏💯

Whomever: please hear me: 

Omg I am so soooo soooo freaking sorry to anyone who ever felt any type of uncomfortability, any type of displacement or (bullied in ANY way from anything I ever said or did as a kid during our childhood and/or school years.  

There's no excuse for it besides,  

We were young kids & I was acting out being rebellious cause I had feelings of hurt n pain in my heart. 

I was going through a whole mess of dysfunctions and displacements in my life fighting myself and my own damn demons.  I didn't know how to deal wit it so I guess it was easier to hurt others to not endure my own pain. 

To all of you… I seriously cannot express the love I have for you.  I choose you as my friend, or my acquaintance, either way our energies connected for you to be a part of my life. I appreciate you, at some point in time we experienced sharing this thing called life together ❤. I thank you for being my friends 😊

I don't want to give no bad energy or receive it.. Shitttt I wanna be the free spirit I've always been. 

Happy healthy wealthy n wise! 

So please accept my apologies 

I would be forever grateful 🙏❤🙌💕

I wish everyone nothing butttt luv, peace, happiness, joy, positivity, n a prosperous life full of abundance. 

I want to share my experiences to help build ppl up,  to believe in themselves!  Noooo nooo to tearing down,  we get enough of that from the rest of the world who isn't 1 of US!